July came and I had what felt like the worst week of my life. My dog died, I got broken up with, I had problems with housing and while all of this was happening I felt like I was becoming a shelf for everyone's problems around me.

I didn’t expect to do anything but work and hang out with friends the summer going into my junior year. I just had some significant life changes at the end of the spring semester and needed rest.

Yet, I was moving from my childhood home, I lived there for the past eighteen years of my life, and now where was I supposed to go?

I found it difficult to say goodbye. I lashed out at my loved ones, I became a person I didn’t even want to be around. I was losing what felt like all sense of stability in my life and even the Lord couldn’t carry me through it.

I was able to pull myself through the month of May and June came with some repercussions but it was okay. I was picking up my feet and creating a new rhythm for my life but I still felt empty.

I finally had to call it quits. I isolated myself for a week and let my tears wash away whatever they could but I still didn’t feel satisfied. How silly of me to think the Lord would help with just my tears right?

On one of my lowest nights, I reflected on what happened two years ago. I had just gotten out of the most toxic and nearly abusive relationship of my life. I didn’t know who I was without this person in my life. I revolved my life around someone's every move I never created a space for myself.

That September I didn’t want to be alive anymore. 

I thought my existence had no meaning and that the Lord left this lamb behind. I prayed on that last day of September that with the end of the month the lord would take away all my sadness and bring me new opportunities in October.

I woke up on October first and for the first time in three months, I didn’t cry. I remembered that