Small talk. Bible study talk. Prayer requests. Sports, kids, and work talk. When and how do we get to meaningful fellowship of sharing with other Christians what God is doing in our lives? Are there conditions in small groups that help people to share their lives with others? Are there conditions that cause people to clam up and stick to the safe details of a public persona?

How many times have you been in a group where you had to watch what you said and guarded yourself about what people thought about you because of your appearance, your comments, your achievements, or other factors of likeability? How many times have you refrained from sharing about problems you are facing because you want to avoid criticism (blame), judgment, or unsolicited advice?

Small groups intended for sharing life together (“fellowship”) can be short-circuited so that meaningful sharing does not occur, people do not actually meet each other, and eventually they just give up trying. Additionally, groups oriented to multiple purposes, including personal sharing, often take the safe course of intellectual discussion, telling jokes, or superficial sharing so that true, authentic sharing fails to occur. People leave feeling empty and dissatisfied.

By contrast, one goal of spending time with fellow Christians is for people to feel free to share honestly what God is doing in their lives and reveal who they truly are, knowing they will be accepted (Rom 15:7). Real sharing is necessary for real knowing, and both lead to real bearing of one another’s burdens in prayer outside the group meeting (spontaneously, prompted by the Holy Spirit). There can be rich content just from learning what God is doing in each other’s lives. Bible study and organized teaching in small groups have great value, but these functions can be misused as a cover for avoiding vulnerability and real meeting with others.

For people to feel free the share the truth about the mystery of their involvement with God on a daily basis, they normally must have several conditions in place. Most people have been burned so many times that it can be difficult for them to be personally available and truly do church of sharing life together by praying for, forgiving, teaching, encouraging, loving, reassuring, and bearing burdens for one another. I offer four conditions others have taught me that have proven effective for meaningful fellowship. By following these, I have seen groups transformed in satisfying ways for authentic fellowship.

Firs