“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” –Proverbs 4:23

I was 21 when I drove from Texas to Colorado to attend a friend’s wedding. Unbeknownst to me, that very evening, my future husband sat across the dinner table at the reception. Soon after, we began a long-distance relationship, got engaged and then married. That was 31 years, three kids, three dogs and two mortgages ago. 

I still have every letter we wrote as we dated, carefully arranged in chronological order and tucked away in a shoebox in our storage shed. Recently I pulled out the box and reread them, experiencing anew the excitement of a new relation- ship, the uncertainty of reciprocated feelings and the hesitancy to put my heart at risk. “Does he really like me? How can I be sure I’m sure?” 

What I know now that I didn’t know then was that I had put in place pretty strong emotional boundaries. I had experienced heartbreak before and did not want to experience that again. So to prevent my heart from getting ahead of reality, I held back for quite a while. And I also know now that it was a smart move. 

As humans, we have the desire to know and be known deeply; God created us to yearn for that connection. And while dating can be a great way to achieve that, for many, the temptation can be to go too deep, too fast — especially emotionally.

Why are emotional boundaries important? Why is it vital to guard our heart above all else? Because “it is the wellspring of life” (Prov. 4:23). Here the Hebrew word for “heart” conveys not just emotions, but also our will, our physical being, our intellect — our whole being. And when we do this well, the re- ward is that our lives resemble springs of living water. 

The problem occurs when a relationship prematurely grows too intimate, too soon, leaving us vulnerable to heartbreak and emotional damage. So how can you keep emotional intimacy from pushing the limits? Here are six guidelines to help you set healthy, God-honoring boundaries: 

Time is your friend. Let your guard down, but a little at a time. Avoid sharing your most private details in the early stages of dating. Instead, protect those intimate parts of who you are. 

Maintain your friendships. It is normal to want to spend more and more time together, but avoid letting your dating relationship isolate you. Keep enjoying time with friends o